


The Real Story Of Mermaids

by RBFan



Category: Mermaids - Fandom
Genre: Food, Funny, Humor, Hungry, Mermaids, Misunderstood, Seasmart?, Streetsmart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 17:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11063379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RBFan/pseuds/RBFan
Summary: No tale has been more misinterpreted than that of the legend of the mermaids. Beautiful creatures of half-human, half-fish, have alternately terrified and besotted humanity through time. Were one to actually take the time to learn about this unique race, mermaids would be living a very different lifestyle than they are today. Follow the tale of a new mermaid as she maneuvers this vast world shortly after her birth.





	The Real Story Of Mermaids

**Author's Note:**

> Non-beta'd.

It is nothing short of magical when a mermaid comes into being. The conditions must be just right for a mermaid to appear. Around the deep underwater volcanoes, when the coldest of waters mixes with the thermal heat and combines with a sprinkling of the golden shafts of sunlight that have managed to penetrate all the way down, a mermaid blooms. She is fully-formed, fully-grown, and surprisingly quite peckish.

Such was the case of Quorlinne. Without fanfare, she appeared amid a plume of thermal heat from the chimney of a modest underwater volcano. Sparkling brown eyes, faded mahogany hair, and an iridescent blue tail were no match for the agonizing pain in her stomach. What was happening to her?! She’d only just begun life and now she was dying?! She jolted in a panic, trying to make sense of her minute-long existence.

“Hey, kid!” A dry voice startled her out of her thoughts. “Saw you poof in. Welcome to the Pacific. There’s a seaweed forest several miles from here in case you were wondering,” Quorlinne turned to find an amused mermaid leaning against a dormant volcanic pillar. “I’m… sorry?” The other mermaid huffed and started towards her.

“If it’s not your thing there’s a jellyfish field near the surface, and then there’s a coral bar near the coast, but they’re only open after the sun goes down.” She tilted her head as she examined Quorlinne with chartreuse eyes. A sardonically-raised eyebrow gave way to actual surprise when she saw no recognition in Quorlinne’s doe-eyed gaze. “Oh snap, they just make ‘em dumber and dumber these days, don’t they?”

“Snap?” The young mermaid’s brows furrowed.

“Human expression I learned last week.” The mermaid waved a hand dismissively and turned on her tail. “C’mon, let’s get you fed and educated. I’m not gonna be at fault for letting you perish on your first day here,” she snorted, her jet-black waves swaying behind her hips. Quorlinne struggled to keep up with the brisk pace, trying to ignore the wailing of her stomach once again.

“Name’s Brinn,” Quorlinne was flashed a smirk as they moved farther up, closer to the surface.

“I’m Quorlinne,” she gasped as full-bodied rays of sunlight finally fell on her pale skin. Brinn nodded and sighed.

“Okay, so you were born, welcome to the world, blah, blah, blah, but really, what do you need to do first?” Without waiting, Brinn plowed ahead. “Eat. That’s all we ever do, is swim and eat. Yes, we’re pretty, yes we sing and are full of grace and all that, but kid, we gotta eat.” Quorlinne digested the information with confusion.

“I know you’re wondering why I’m emphasizing this. Look, you’re gonna hear a lot of things about mermaids, like how we sing to lure sailors to their deaths, or how we’re looking for love and are great at song but… forget all of that. It’s not true. You want someone to blame? It’s all because of Hans Christian Andersen and Greek mythology that they think we’re like that,” Brinn scowled darkly. “May they that have sullied the noble mermaid history die a slow and painful death.” Quorlinne shivered.

“Anyway kid, what we’re here for is to eat. We’re always hungry, we have a higher metabolism than the humans, therefore we need to eat! That’s all there is to it. Don’t believe anything else you hear being said about mermaids,” Brinn glanced at the dubious girl. “You’ll see what I mean when we reach the surface. I haven’t found any other species that looks like us except for them and maybe, by a long shot, the monkeys. Where they got that theory I’ll never know,” Brinn let out a hearty guffaw and clapped the younger mermaid on the back.

“Humans are funny creatures, kid, just observe when we reach the beach. Stay out of sight for this one and I’ll get you some food, okay?” Brinn directed the other mermaid to a small outcropping of rocks and then swam further towards the shore. Reaching the shallows, Brinn raised herself up out of the water just far enough to shriek, “Help! I’m drowning! Help me!! Help me!!!”

People on the beach began to run toward the sound of the voice, and Brinn quickly dove under with a flash of her red tail, grabbing a lone swimmer as she went and holding him down long enough to incite panic in the human before letting him go. Popping up out of the water, he carried on the frantic diversion as Brinn sped away from him. As more people rushed to the scene of the panicked swimmer, the mermaid surfaced near a family’s picnic spread, innocently abandoned as its owners investigated Brinn’s distraction. It took all but mere seconds as the sly mermaid dragged the blanket corners together and tugged the bundle into the water with her.

“C’mon!” She urged Quorlinne to follow, leading them to a more isolated outcropping of cliff and sharing a high five with her new charge before proceeding to dig through the soggy blanket’s contents.

“Roast chicken, potato salad, oooh I think I see a pint of Häagen Daz there in the corner,” Brinn exclaimed with glee as she dug through the picnic basket, which had been scooped up with the blanket. Quorlinne bit into a round, reddish-gold piece of food the size of a sea urchin, and it gave way with a satisfying crunch. “You got yourself an apple, kid,” Brinn offered knowingly just as realization slammed Quorlinne’s mind. She was hungry! This object was quelling her stomach! Within seconds the apple was demolished, core and all. She reached for the chicken while Brinn popped the lid of the ice cream carton open.

“Welcome to the good life, kid,” Brinn proclaimed as Quorlinne tore through an ear of corn on the cob. “Other mermaids prefer to stay away from human food and stick with the kelp forests, soft corals, and other more natural things for their meals, but I’ll tell you what, once you have a bite of this you can never go back! I started out finding crumbs of chips in discarded foil chip bags, and while I’m not a fan of littering, I lived for those crumbs!” She held out the ice cream carton to Quorlinne. “Here, try this. They call it ice cream and it comes in so many different flavors. It’s so snappin’ good!”

As Quorlinne’s initial hunger was sated, it was as if it had turned the key in her mind. Questions began to pour out, with Brinn fielding them as best as she could.

“How do you get more of this?”

“How did the humans get to eat this and not us?”

“What makes it taste so good?”

“Why do we have to eat seafood?”

“Why don’t we get big like they do?” (“The word is ‘fat,’ kid.”)

“Can’t we just tell them to give us food instead of having to go to all the trouble of sneaking it away?”

Brinn held up her hand. “Here’s something worth noting, kid. The humans are a weird bunch. Some are fascinated with us, some want to kill us, others say we’re not real… I've found that the best thing to do is to stay under their radar. Eat their food; absolutely. But don’t get caught. You might end up like Mabril – she was so friendly and bubbly. She made friends with some humans and they would feed her amazing food. But then one night someone saw fit to carry her off to be ’die-sek-ted,’ whatever that means. We never saw her again.”

“You’ll learn along the way,” Brinn shrugged as she polished off a box of Girl Scout cookies. “But the best thing to remember as a newbie is to make sure the humans never see you.” Quorlinne nodded with wide eyes. A comfortable silence settled over them as they gazed out over the sea, physical and intellectual hunger temporarily satisfied.

After a moment’s pause, Brinn turned back to the mousy-haired mermaid. “So kid, it’s your turn. Go get some food!”

On giddy strokes, Quorlinne made her way to the shore. Stopping just before the crags became sandbars, she planned out her move, when a delicious smell wafted by her nose. She turned, and spotted them. Head-over-heels and sappily-in-love, John and Amy were lost in the romance of the crashing waves, the wind in their hair, and their hands intertwined as they whispered sweet nothings to each other. Amy gazed into John’s green eyes, hopelessly lost. She giggled when the scruff of his beard tickled her nose as he leaned in for a light kiss on her forehead. So caught up in each other’s eyes that they didn’t notice that love was in the air for someone else.

Quorlinne hovered just out of sight below and behind them, hoping her stomach would not announce her presence to the lovers. _Hello there, you_ , she licked her lips longingly at the hamburgers John and Amy had picked up from Bob’s Greasehouse before they had headed to the beach, now quite forgotten. With a covert glance at the pair, the mermaid slowly extended a hand toward the love of her life. _Come to me, my darling,_ she cheered silently as the burger was lifted from the plastic plate without protest.

Quietly backing down into the water, she curled protectively around the burger and swam just a little ways away before the tantalizing smell became too much. One big juicy bite, and the little mermaid’s heart was lost to a world of fragrant spices, succulent beef, crunchy lettuce and onions, and a mild hint of mayonnaise. Oh, what bliss! She had polished off most of it by the time she reached Brinn, who smirked knowingly. She tried to think of the words to describe the heavenly moment of ecstasy, but could find none.

Brinn chuckled as the other mermaid finally found her voice.

“Oh…. SNAP! That was amazing!” Quorlinne shrieked. “How could they be so wrapped up in each other when they had those delicious morsels practically begging for their attention?!”

“Been there, kid. I know exactly whatcha mean. See? Once you try their food you just can’t go back to kelp salads and jellyfish pancakes.” Quorlinne nodded vigorously. “You are so right, Brinn! We need to go back! We need to get that other burger! Come on!!”

John finally pulled back long enough to nip the lip of his adoring girlfriend. She giggled and he smiled, reaching down beside him to grab his burger. When his hand met the plastic plate rather than steaming hot burger, he glanced down… and shrieked. A timid-looking mermaid, dripping water all over their picnic blanket and smelling of seawater and strangely enough, chipotle sauce, was reaching behind him for Amy’s burger. His own plate? Empty.

“What’s wrong, hon– Aaauuugghh!!” Amy’s scream was louder than his, effectively closing his dropped jaw as he turned back to calm his hysterical girlfriend and his thudding heart. Just then, a pair of claw-tipped hands knocked their heads together and the last thing he saw before he lost consciousness was a dark-haired, smirking mermaid and the mousy-haired mermaid, stuffing the last burger into their mouths with a grin.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I was inspired by this lovely piece of art that I came across on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/BUqTGErjL_f/ and it made the silly idea pop into my head, "What if mermaids were not all about love and songs and seduction? What if they were simply just... hungry?" Haha, I had fun with this; hope you enjoyed it, too.


End file.
